I've never really experienced true loneliness. I've been alone and lost in a wood before, confused and upset and desperate to find my way back. I've been alone at school, waiting for my friends to reappear and praying nobody decides to pick on me until their return. I've been alone in my house, while my Mum was out shopping, or my sister was at dance class - but that doesn't scare me, I've lived here all my life, and it's a near solid fact that nothing happens around here.
Maybe I haven't been truly lonely on the outside, but it's becoming more and more apparent that I am now alone on the inside, desperately trying to maintain some sort of balance. Somedays it feels like my head is going to explode. Other times its like I'm fading away, just a ghost of the girl I once was. I've had moments where, sitting in class, I've asked myself one question: "What would be different if I wasn't here?" And the worst part of that question? The little voice in your head replying: "Nothing".
What if I wake up one day and the loneliness has consumed me from the inside? What if I realize that I've wasted my life pretending I belong? Because I really am beginning to think I don't belong. My best friend, Emma, is leaving me for Heriots, a prestigous school in Edinburgh. My other best friend, Lindsay, left a year or something ago. So what happens to me? What happens when everybody leaves - because it is inevitable, in the end, that they will.
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